Childhood Abuse & the CES Letter Destroyed Bailey's Faith...Until Jesus Rebuilt Her from the Dust
September 6, 2026
AI Summary
5 min read"I Couldn't Be Hurt Anymore by Him"
Bailey Paulson was seven years old when her oldest stepbrother began sexually abusing her. It continued for four years. When she finally told her parents at age 11, the response was devastating in its own way: she was asked if she had made it up, told "we don't want to ruin someone's life over this," and directed to keep silent about it because speaking up might mean being taken away from her siblings. The family's bishop, after consulting with church attorneys, decided the situation did not need to be reported to police. Bailey kept the secret for years.
The Secret and the Silence
Growing up in a blended family of 16 children, Bailey learned to compartmentalize. She had a powerful spiritual experience at age 13—praying alone in the kitchen while cooking dinner, feeling God's love so intensely she thought the clouds would part and He would descend to hug her. But that memory faded as she got older. "I started to really question, like, where are you? And if I'm being honest, I was getting angry," she said. "I felt so abandoned by my Heavenly Father."
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What you'll learn
- 1 (00:00) **Opening: The Emotional Hook** - Bailey describes the core conflict: feeling abandoned by God and using the CES Letter as a way to rationalize leaving the church.
- 2 (01:52) **Introduction to the Guest** - Host Ashley Stone introduces Bailey Paulson as a close friend and the first live podcast guest, highlighting her incredible comeback story.
- 3 (04:07) **Bailey's Background & Family** - Bailey shares her upbringing in a blended family of 16 children after her father went to prison and her mother remarried.
- 4 (05:07) **The Abuse Begins** - Bailey reveals that at age seven, her oldest stepbrother began sexually abusing her, a situation that continued for four years.
- 5 (07:54) **Disclosure and Mishandling** - At age 11, Bailey realizes what happened after seeing a similar scene on TV, but her parents and the bishop handle the disclosure poorly.
- 6 (12:19) **A Hug That Healed** - Bailey describes the profound relief of her oldest brother finally finding out and giving her a 20-minute hug, which she says "squeezed all the broken pieces back together."
- 7 (13:29) **A Childhood Spiritual Witness** - Bailey recalls a moment at age 13 when, feeling alone, she prayed and felt God's love so powerfully she thought the clouds would part.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Show Notes
"Those answers just don't matter as much as my relationship with my Savior. It's like a weight system, you know? I'm not gonna give up something that's so important to me for the tiny weight of this one particular answer. I'm weighing my options, and I'm gonna choose Christ every time because He is who put me back together and it doesn't matter if I really believe in polygamy or not. He was there, so I'm with Him."
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00:00 Abandonment and Doubt
00:57 Live Event Announcement
04:50 Family Upheaval and Abuse
08:06 Speaking Up and Silence
21:21 CES Letter and Marriage Strain
31:09 Years of Doubt
38:59 Scriptures Rebuild Faith
43:32 Healing and Hard Questions
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Come Back Team:
Director, Founder, & Host: Ashly Stone
Editor: Cara Reed
Outreach Manager: Jenna Carlson
Assistant Editor: Britt Smallze
Art Director: Jeremy Garcia
Production Director: Trent Wardwell
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