Booked, Blonde & Busy w/ Olivia Ponton
Booked, Blonde & Busy w/ Olivia Ponton

Why Do People Cheat? w/ Licensed Therapist Kier Gaines

September 28, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Why People Cheat, and What Overfunctioning Really Costs

Licensed therapist Kier Gaines begins with a disarmingly simple explanation for infidelity: "People do it because it feels good. Period." Humans pursue what feels pleasurable, he argues, and a long-term relationship—steady, reliable, predictable—can start to feel like eating your favorite meal every single day. For some people, that's fine. For others, "they'll see a dirty chicken wing on the floor and think, it has hair on it and lint and dirt, but it's not spaghetti, and I want to take a bite out of it."

Cheating as a Sign of Insecurity—and Something More

Olivia Ponton, who has been cheated on in every past relationship, sees cheating as fundamentally a sign of insecurity—someone seeking outside validation because they can't feel attractive or desirable within the relationship itself. She calls it "disgusting" and "weird," and emphasizes that it reflects on the cheater, not the person they betrayed.

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What you'll learn

  • 1 (00:04) **Olivia's Personal History with Cheating** - Olivia describes being cheated on in every past relationship and her evolving perspective on blame.
  • 2 (02:26) **Kier's Therapist Perspective on Why People Cheat** - Kier offers a clinical view, distinguishing understanding motivations from excusing the behavior.
  • 3 (04:18) **The Psychological Drivers of Infidelity** - Kier breaks down the common mental justifications and reasons behind cheating.
  • 4 (05:17) **Trust, Respect, and Open Communication** - The conversation shifts to the foundations of a relationship and how to handle the taboo topic of cheating.
  • 5 (07:43) **The Scary Reality of Trust** - Olivia reflects on the fear and vulnerability involved in giving someone your full trust.
  • 6 (08:48) **Defining Overfunctioning** - Kier introduces the concept of overfunctioning as a common pattern, especially for women.
  • 7 (09:42) **How Overfunctioning Manifests in Life** - Kier details how overfunctioning shows up in friendships, family roles, and work.

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Guests on this episode

Kier Gaines Olivia Ponton

Show Notes

I've been cheated on in nearly every relationship I've ever had...so I asked a licensed therapist the question I can't stop thinking about: why do people do it?


Kier Gaines breaks down what's really going on in a cheater's brain (spaghetti and a dirty chicken wing are involved), then we get into over-functioning and why so many of us work ourselves into the ground. 


xoxo,
Olivia 


Timestamps
00:04-02:25 Olivia's cheating hot take

02:26-04:10 Why do people cheat?

04:11-05:33 What's going on in a cheater's brain?

05:34-06:44 Would you stay?

06:45-07:42 A reason, not an excuse

07:43-08:49 Trust & miscommunication

08:50-10:19 What is overfunctioning?

10:20-12:18 When work bleeds into everything

12:19-14:52 Finding the root of overfunctioning

Booked, Blonde & Busy w/ Olivia Ponton

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