Betwixt The Sheets: The History of Sex, Scandal & Society

How Many Penises Are There On The Bayeux Tapestry?

September 4, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

The Bayeux Tapestry is not a tapestry, it is an embroidery. It is not a single massive mural but a narrow strip of linen almost 70 meters long and only half a meter high. And the famous Battle of Hastings occupies only the last third of its length; the first two-thirds are political setup. These are the basic corrections historian Dave Musgrove offers before getting to the question that reliably excites the most interest: the penises.

Musgrove, co-author of The Story of the Bayeux Tapestry: Unravelling the Norman Conquest, explains that the embroidery was almost certainly made in England shortly after 1066—probably in Canterbury, because its designs copy directly from Old English illuminated manuscripts held in monastic libraries there. The patron was likely Odo of Bayeux, William the Conqueror’s half-brother and the newly made Earl of Kent, who had the resources to commission it. Its purpose was political: a thousand-year-old piece of PR designed to legitimize William’s conquest by showing that Harold Godwinson had broken a sacred oath, making invasion not just justified but a duty.

The Penis Census

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What you'll learn

1 (05:56) **Introducing the Bayeux Tapestry & Its Penises** - Kate Lister and guest Dave Musgrove (author of *The Story of the Bayeux Tapestry*) set up the episode’s central question: why are there so many penises on this famous medieval embroidery?
2 (09:56) **What Is the Bayeux Tapestry?** - Dave defines the artifact, correcting a common misconception and describing its physical form and narrative content.
3 (13:40) **Who Made It and When?** - The origins of the tapestry are debated, but most scholars agree it was made in England shortly after 1066.
4 (17:12) **How Was the Tapestry Used?** - Dave discusses theories about the tapestry’s original display and function.
5 (20:46) **The Design Process and Labor** - Dave explains how the tapestry was created and the resources required.
6 (29:41) **Counting the Penises: Horses and Humans** - Dave reveals the results of his famous penis census, explaining which creatures have them and why.
7 (33:40) **The Human Penises: Four Undisputed Examples** - Dave walks through the specific scenes featuring naked men and their phallic depictions.

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Show Notes

The Bayeux Tapestry is one of the most famous works of medieval art in the world, but what do we actually know about it? Who made it? Where? Why? And are those actually human genitals?

Kate is joined by Dave Musgrove, content director at History Extra and co-author of 'The Story of the Bayeux Tapestry: Unraveling the Norman Conquest'.

This episode was edited by Hannah Feodorov. Produced by Sophie Gee. The senior producer was Freddy Chick.

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