A Bit of Optimism
A Bit of Optimism

Why Being Right Is Costing You Trust | A Bit of Optimism: Feelings at Work | PART 4

August 4, 2026

AI Summary

5 min read

Why Being Right Is Costing You Trust

When Alex Simon taught a workshop on apologizing, she noticed something strange: hardly anyone signed up. Then a photographer who was only there to take pictures raised his hand mid-session and said, "I had no idea that I needed to learn how to apologize. But apologies are the tip of an iceberg that I just didn't know how big this iceberg was. And I really think this is going to change my whole marriage." That reaction captures the central paradox of accountability: almost no one thinks they need to work on it, yet almost everyone struggles with it.

Why Accountability Feels So Hard

The root problem is that most of us are running emotional software we installed when we were five years old and never updated. As children, we were taught to say "I'm sorry" as a scripted response—like saying "thank you"—without any understanding of what genuine accountability requires. That childhood programming leaves adults with a deep fear of being wrong, which gets confused with being weak.

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What you'll learn

  • 1 (00:00) **Why Apologies Are the Tip of the Iceberg** - Opening with the idea that most people don't know how to apologize properly, and a photographer at a workshop realizes it could change his marriage.
  • 2 (03:31) **Why Saying Sorry Is So Hard** - Alex shares her personal history with apologies, including a rigid formula she imposed on others and a fight where her boyfriend used the dreaded "I'm sorry you feel that way."
  • 3 (07:25) **Saying Sorry Doesn't Mean You're Wrong** - The key reframe: an apology is simply taking accountability for your words or actions, not admitting you are a bad person.
  • 4 (08:23) **The Bedfellows of Credit and Blame** - People who take too much credit for successes are often the same people who deflect blame when things go wrong.
  • 5 (10:53) **The Blame Culture and the "But" Trap** - Our first instinct is often to blame others or circumstances, and the word "but" in an apology negates everything that came before it.
  • 6 (12:19) **Why Accountability Feels Like Weakness** - Alex and Simon explore the deep-seated fear that taking accountability makes you look weak or wrong.
  • 7 (15:36) **True Strength Is Owning Your Mistakes** - The confidence to admit fallibility is what builds trust and makes people want to follow you, not a perfect record.

+ Full timestamped outline available in the app

Show Notes

Everyone says they want more accountability at work… yet few of us think we're the ones who need to learn how to be more accountable.

Most of us believe we already know how to own a mistake. We've all said sorry and truly meant it. But meaning it and doing it well are two very different things. And when we’re the first to apologize, we model to everyone around us how cathartic accountability can be.

Feelings at Work is a special five-part series from A Bit of Optimism, where Simon Sinek and Alex Simon, founder of LifeShop, explore the human skills that shape how we work, lead, and build relationships. Together, they unpack the emotional challenges most of us face every day—from people pleasing and listening to giving feedback, taking accountability, and having difficult conversations.

In this episode, Simon and Alex take on accountability: why owning a mistake can feel like losing, why taking credit and dodging blame come from the same place, and what a real repair actually looks like.

You'll discover why owning your part doesn't mean admitting you were wrong, why the confidence to say, "I got that wrong," is what actually makes people follow you, and how to repair something in a way that genuinely clears a pathway forward. Simon and Alex share practical tools like the "wheelie bag" rule for separating intent from impact, the two-part formula that turns an empty gesture into apologies people can actually feel, Alex's practice of "micro-accountability" for owning small things before they accumulate, and the one word that quietly cancels everything you said before it.

In this episode you'll learn:

➡️ Why saying you're sorry doesn't mean you're wrong

➡️ The two-part apology formula: what you actually did + the impact it had
➡️ How to name someone's hurt + leave room to be corrected
➡️ "Micro-accountability": owning the small stuff before it turns into the big stuff
➡️ Why people who take too much credit are the same people who dodge blame
➡️ What real confidence actually looks like
➡️ How to receive an apology and why refusing it is its own kind of failure
➡️ Why being uncoachable is the biggest problem at work

➡️ How to ask people to build the fix with you

Whether you're leading a team, rebuilding trust with a colleague, or still quietly replaying an argument from three years ago, accountability is one of the most healing skills you can develop.

And remember: owning your part is a gift you give the other person AND you give yourself.

This... is A Bit of Optimism.

A Bit of Optimism

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