AI Summary
5 min readFamily estrangement is not a single event but a slow drift that can accelerate into a total break. Dr. Joshua Coleman, a psychologist who has studied and treated estranged families for decades, argues that the rise in adult children cutting off parents is driven less by a sudden epidemic of abuse and more by a profound cultural shift in how we define family, obligation, and mental health. In a conversation with host David Bashevkin, Coleman explains the mechanisms behind estrangement, the mistakes parents make when trying to repair it, and the uncomfortable truth that reconciliation often requires the parent to go first—not because they are wrong, but because they have the most to lose.
Why Estrangement Happens: More Than Abuse
Continue reading the full summary in the app — free to try.
Read Full Summary →Free • No credit card required
Never miss an episode of 18Forty Podcast
Get every new episode summarized in your inbox — free, ~5 minutes to read.
No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.
What you'll learn
- 1 (00:00) **Sponsor & Housekeeping** - Advertisements for Magen David Adom and Talmud Daily, plus episode introduction and sponsor acknowledgments.
- 2 (05:31) **Introduction: Ghosts vs. Ancestors** - David Bashevkin introduces the theme of transforming painful family memories from haunting "ghosts" into nourishing "ancestors," framing the episode around familial estrangement and reconciliation.
- 3 (13:00) **Dr. Joshua Coleman Interview: Triggers of Estrangement** - Dr. Coleman outlines the multiple pathways that lead to family estrangement, moving beyond the common narrative of abuse.
- 4 (18:14) **Preventing Estrangement: The Parent's New Role** - Dr. Coleman advises parents on how to adapt to the modern cultural shift to prevent a relationship from breaking down.
- 5 (22:25) **Dr. Coleman's Personal Story & Professional Mission** - Dr. Coleman shares how his own experience of being estranged from his daughter for several years shaped his work.
- 6 (25:18) **The Role of Wealth in Estrangement** - The conversation explores how financial support from parents can paradoxically increase the risk of estrangement.
- 7 (28:56) **Who is Right? The Therapist's Neutral Approach** - Dr. Coleman explains his non-judgmental approach to mediating between estranged parents and adult children.
+ Full timestamped outline available in the app
Guests on this episode
Show Notes
In 2023, we talked to psychologist Dr. Joshua Coleman, about the nuances of familial estrangement and reconciliation.
We also heard from mindset coach Jason Blau and translator Izzy Posen about how these issues play out within the Jewish community. In this episode we discuss:
- What strategies can be employed by families carrying the burden of strife and negativity?
- What are the common triggers of family estrangement, and how can those in strained relationships move forward?
- What is the role of family in a world of optionality?
Interview with Joshua Coleman begins at 8:54.
Interview with Jason Blau begins at 54:42.
Interview with Izzy Posen begins at 1:15:42.
Dr. Joshua Coleman is a psychologist in private practice and a Senior Fellow with the Council on Contemporary Families, an organization of sociologists, historians, psychologists and demographers dedicated to providing the public with the latest research and best practice findings about American families. He has written for The New York Times, The Atlantic, and other publications, and often speaks on television about issues of estrangement, relationships, and families. Dr. Coleman also writes music for television which has been used on many shows.
References:
“Of Ghosts and Ancestors” by Ari Berman
“The Power of Vulnerability” by Brené Brown
Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day by Anne Katherine
Why Won't You Apologize?: Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts by Harriet Lerner
The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner
Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict by Joshua Coleman
More from this podcast
18Forty Podcast →