AI Summary
5 min readTanya Friedlander grew up in Austria, the daughter of a Holocaust survivor, feeling deeply Jewish but knowing almost nothing about Torah observance. She would open a siddur in synagogue and touch the Hebrew letters, sensing holiness, but it never occurred to her that she could learn what the words meant. “I didn’t know that there was a concept as a ba’al teshuvah,” she says. “I didn’t know you can actually change.” That assumption—that the religious life she saw on the other side of the street was simply not available to her—is the starting point for a conversation that becomes, in the hands of host David Bashevkin, an extended meditation on what teshuvah actually demands of us.
Teshuvah as an Adjustment of Expectations
Bashevkin opens the episode by recalling a teaching from his late rebbe, Rav Ezra Newberger. The main focus of teshuvah, Rav Ezra said, should be on our expectations. For some people, expectations are too high: they imagine life should feel like a perpetual high, and they need to become more realistic. But for others, the problem is the reverse: expectations are too low. They do not expect enough from themselves, and they settle for lives that lack the meaning they could actually build. Teshuvah, in this framing, is the work of calibrating expectation to reality—not lowering ambition, but aligning it with what life actually is and what it could become.
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What you'll learn
- 1 (03:12) **Introduction: Teshuva as a Story of Building Capacity** - Host David Bashevkin introduces Tanya Friedlander, introduced to him by a mutual mentor, as a guest whose story exemplifies the essence of Teshuva.
- 2 (15:05) **Tanya’s Background: A Proud Jewish Identity Without Observance** - Tanya describes her childhood as a "Ben Zakunim" to a Holocaust survivor father in Austria, with a deep but non-observant Jewish identity.
- 3 (21:05) **The Spark: Feeling Like a Hypocrite** - Tanya’s journey toward observance began when she felt a responsibility to answer questions about Judaism from non-Jews, leading her to realize she didn't know enough.
- 4 (27:39) **The First Step: Walking into a Bookstore** - Tanya took a concrete step by going to a Jewish bookstore in Gateshead and asking to learn "the stories and the laws."
- 5 (32:02) **Navigating Family: Honoring the Past While Building a New Future** - Tanya discusses how her family, particularly her mother, reacted to her increasing religiosity.
- 6 (42:25) **Finding Community: The Beauty of Blending Worlds** - Tanya explains why she didn't remain exclusively in the Chabad community and how she found her place in a more open, integrated community.
- 7 (53:35) **The Diagnosis: From Shock to "Dancing Through It"** - Tanya recounts the moment her husband was diagnosed with early-onset Parkinson's and her initial reaction of fierce resilience.
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Guests on this episode
Show Notes
Join Talmud Daily! A new free program from 18Forty. Ten-minute episodes a day (video + audio). Plain English. No prior knowledge assumed. No Hebrew required. Join here: Talmuddaily.org
In this episode of the 18Forty Podcast, we talk to Tania Friedlander, leadership-and-performance coach, attorney by training, and former champion athlete, about how her husband’s Parkinson’s diagnosis challenged her expectations and taught her to become capable of more.
In this episode we discuss:
—What does it mean to make our expectations a central focus of our teshuva?
—How do we increase our capacity to handle the life we have?
—How can we embrace both the joy and pain that accompany the challenges of life?
Interview begins at 11:42.
Tune in to hear a conversation about taking on challenges head-on and finding the capacity to meet life as it comes.
Tania Friedlander is a leadership and performance coach, attorney by training, and former champion athlete. A Professional Certified Coach and Gallup Certified Global Strengths Coach, she works with executives and emerging leaders to leverage their strengths, overcome challenges, and achieve their professional and personal goals.
References:
Tanya
Rabbanit Rachelle Fraenkel on the 18Forty Podcast
I'm Not Alone by Riva Pomerantz
Loving Someone Who Has Dementia by Pauline Boss
Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl
Chop Wood Carry Water by Joshua Medcalf
Likutei Moharan, Part II 23:1
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